Tango: Enjy
by Histoire de le Coeur
Summary: In which Grantaire teaches Combeferre a thing or two about Enjolras. Slash. Don't like, don't read, simple as that. Parody of Rent's 'Tango: Maureen'. Rated T for drinking and sexual allusions. Enjoy!


**Disclaimer: I don't own Les Miz or RENT or the pitchforks you may want to throw at me for this. Those you must supply yourselves.**

**WARNING: Extremely OOC, and I don't care!**

**Without further ado….**

**Tango: Enjy**

_Les Amis are in the back room of Le Café Musain. In the midst of all the chatter, Enjolras gets up, goes over to Combeferre, and says something in his ear that makes him blush profusely, unseen by all but Grantaire. Enjolras leaves and five minutes later, Combeferre leaves as well, still only seen by Grantaire. On the next day, Combeferre arrives early at the café and Grantaire is already drinking in the corner. He stares at Combeferre; Combeferre shifts uncomfortably. _

**Combeferre:**

This meeting can't delay,

but where are they?

**Grantaire:**

It's still midday.

Drink something,

Anything

**Combeferre:**

I'll just have tea.

**Grantaire:**

Anything but that.

**Combeferre:**

This is weird.

**Grantaire:**

It's weird.

**Combeferre:**

Very weird.

**Grantaire:**

F***ing weird.

**Combeferre:**

I was so hot

Now I don't know what to do

Last night screwing with gods

Now today I'm at odds

And to top it all off

I lost Jehan

**Grantaire:**

Like in an operatic plight

Your one love spent the night

With some other good man that you know

**Combeferre** [looking for Jehan]:

Now where's that poem boy?

**Grantaire:**

'Ferrey wake up it's a ploy!

It's called the Tango Enjy

The Tango Enjy

It's a dangerous demanding dance step

As he keeps you turning

**Combeferre:**

You're wrong

**Grantaire:**

Your heart he is burning

**Combeferre:**

It's different with me

**Grantaire:**

And you writhe and go lame

Under his blue eyes a-flame

Yet you can't help but scream his whole name

**Combeferre** [realization dawning]:

I think I see what you see

**Both:**

The Tango Enjy

**Grantaire:**

Has he ever "helped" the workmen

On a work day?

**Combeferre:**

Never.

**Grantaire:**

Ever doubted his meets with Feuilly?

**Combeferre** [to himself]:

You were right, 'Fey.

[to Grantaire]

Did you swoon when he put on the Vest?

**Grantaire:**

Every time, so be prudent.

**Combeferre:**

Did you love his Even-Tighter Pants?

**Grantaire:**

You're not the only med student.*

[Combeferre grabs Grantaire's absinthe bottle and begins to drink]

Whoa, where'd you learn to drink?

**Combeferre:**

With Courfeyrac in his flat in the Latin Quarter

And you?

**Grantaire:**

With Courfeyrac and his then-mistress in his flat in the Latin Quarter

It's hard to please without wine

**Combeferre** [wiping his mouth]:

You should try it in heels.

[Grantaire looks at him questioningly. Combeferre shrugs his shoulders]

…I don't know…**

[Grantaire makes a grab for his absinthe, takes it from Combeferre, and when Combeferre tries to get it back, runs out of the café, into the street, where Combeferre has followed him. They see Enjolras on the arm of Jehan.]

He cheated.

**Grantaire:**

He cheated.

**Combeferre:**

Enjy cheated.

**Grantaire:**

F***ing cheated.

**Combeferre:**

And Jehan looks like

He could put out right now

**Grantaire:**

His good looks you must fight now

With all of your might

**Combeferre:**

I fall for him still anyhow

**Both:**

When you're spinning his spin

You know you can't win

He always must win the first prize

**Grantaire:**

So you think

"I'll get laid."

**Combeferre:**

That's a tango well-played

**Both:**

At least I'll have tangoed at all

The Tango Enjy

Gotta dance 'til your leader is drained

You think he'll allow you

But in the end he'll just plow through

Still the music will end

'Til then just pretend

That you didn't see him pick up your friend

**Grantaire** [shaking head wistfully]:

Why do we love when he's cold?

**Combeferre** [looking in a south direction at Enjolras]:

And he's entirely too bold

[biting his lip]

My Enjy

**Both:**

The Tango Enjy

_The next day, Combeferre had the same talk with Jehan._

_*_For this line to make sense you have to combine it with both of Mark and Joanne's lines there. It covers two lines of two different character's in the original song, here.

**Not in the original song. It's really just instrumental there, so I added something…

Hope you enjoyed my….shameless slander of some of your favorite characters!


End file.
